I was blog hopping when I stumbled upon a line that made me pause: “Bullies are made at home.” The exact words of a blogger-doctor. Well, yes, I know for a fact that a person’s attitude, whether good or not, always somehow finds its way back to how he was raised as a child.
Come to think of it, I just put it mildly, didn’t I?
Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
There were days when I would ask my eight-year old to buy something from the neighborhood store – a cooking ingredient we forgot to grab at the grocery while we were there, or a plain something we didn’t anticipate needing for another two weeks.
Bullies are made at home.
There was this one day when the errand took him longer than warranted. He was even panting when he got back home. He said he needed to take a longer route because he didn’t want to come across a kid who, for some reason, seemed to be always mad at him..
Hearing this, I had to ask if there was something he did to anger this particular kid. He said he didn’t even know who the boy was, and that the boy wasn’t only mad at him. He was, in fact, mad at a good number of younger kids.
What others say about bullying
I continued with my blog hopping, this time, intent on finding out what other parents had to say about bullying. They echoed the blogger-doctor’s sentiments.
One particular blogger went on to rant that her baby boy, 14 months old at that, had to be picked up from nursery school with a bleeding scratch one afternoon, courtesy of a particular “toy-hoarding, toy-stealing, pushing, grabbing, scratching, hitting, WWF wrestling maniac.”
This “maniac” turned out to be a 19-month old baby boy himself, who just learned how to walk and couldn’t yet speak.
It would be unfair for that particular blogger if I stopped here and not clarify that although she really wanted to blame the other child for his behavior, she kept reminding herself that the child was a baby himself and was not in any way superior to the other children except for the fact that he towers over them.
The underlying cause
And then there was the revelation – the parents. The father turned out to be “an arrogant man who always bragged about how much money he earned, how big their house was and how perfect his child was.”
The mother was the “snobbish, selfish kind who spent more time worrying about her clothes and make-up than her own child.”
Well, I guess, that says it all. I’m not being judgmental, but it’s not rocket science to know that the parents are the ones at fault here.
The proud parent in me
This afternoon, I went to see each of my sons’ teachers for their report cards. More than their grades – which, thankfully, were satisfactory enough – I had to know how they were behaving in school. I listened to both teachers’ recounting with bated breath.
Ten minutes later, I left the school a prouder parent because if the teachers were to be believed, my sons were conducting themselves in an appropriate enough manner.
I’m not perfect, but I try my best. I know that my parenting journey doesn’t stop here. I may just be at the forefront of a long and winding road, and there’s much likelihood that I’m going to make a misstep. But I thank God everyday for the children I have.
What about you? Do you have a bullying story to tell?
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My little brother got bullied and I saw what the bully did. I just watched while talking to myself saying “Sige suntukin mo”. My little brother got punched several times, I only watched. Then suddenly he punched the bully, taob! I allow that to happen,maybe I am a bad KUYA but I believe that there are some things need to be taught the hard way.
my youngest son is being bullied by his classmate last year, no matter how much the teacher reprimand the kid, he still keeps on bullying my son and his other classmates.
one time, there was an occasion in their school, i went there and talked to the boy smiling, i did not let him feel that i am mad at him. he promised me he will not bully my son anymore, true to his words they became friends. i saw him looking at us when i was hugging my son, i called him and hugged him too, he was very happy, i can sense that this kid has lack of attention, i pity him 🙁
I can agree with you on that count, Semidoppel …
That was very inspiring, Joy!
I agree bullies are made at home. They have lesser attention than they needed so they do everything they could even if it will hurt other kids. The pros for having bullies around is that they build up other kids’ confidence but it might lead to worse if no elder is involved.
I actually posted something about defense mechanism although it’s not all about bullies but it says that bullies are the cowards who encourages weak people to be more violent (http://www.techykikay.info/2010/07/defense-mechanism_23.html)
I believe proper guidance should be noted at all times as a parent.
BTW, thanks for dropping by ate Maricel! ^_^
kids who bully often look for attention that starts with their home. They will do everything as to get their parent’s attention and the more the parents ignore their kid even they know they did something wrong the more they will multiply their wrong doings. Bullying in particular. This would also include theft and other bad attitudes.
I remember when I was still in college, we have tackled about bullying my professor said that one of the factors of bullying came from the kind of parenting and the house the foundation of children’s learning and development.
Meg and Chef, you both are definitely right!
Psychables, hey, thanks again for the award!
Your always welcome! 🙂
learned a lot from your posts